"So what have you been up to? It's been awhile."

Because how could I possibly explain EVERYTHING that has happened since we last talked? All the connections I've made, the softening I've done, the love I have found for myself, the love I have found for others, the new things I've learned, how my new mantra is impacting how I view life around me...I could go on! 

This happens to me relatively often. I have few people in my life who consistenty know what Ive been up to/been working on, and an even fewer amount of people in my life who speak the same language and are devoted to their personal growth in the same way. So this makes the "catch-ups" a bit weird for me. 

When I find myself talking to someone from before this journey, I usually decide I'd rather sound boring than share the life-altering things that have happened/I've done and get met with anything besides genuine excitement.  When I ask people what they've been up to and 9/10 times receive a response like this: "working, which is going good. I got promoted. went to bahamas last month which was cool. oh and I'm dating someone new." I can't knock a response like this, because all of that shit was good. But I'm interested in how you feel about the promotion? do you feel pressure? like "you've made it"? how do you feel when work is over? what have you learned from your new partner? do they challenge you? what bothers you about them and why? if everyone and everything is a mirror, what does that say about you?

...I've found that this isn't standard conversation, but my oh my, have I tried.

Sometimes this makes me feel so alone. I've always been a bit of a black sheep, including within my family so it can be hard when your small tribe becomes even smaller. Sometimes I get angry because my progress isn't tangible, like a job promotion, so therefore it is not celebrated the way most progress is. But most times it allows me to sit in the contrast of what the other person remembers me as, and who I am now. These are true "wow" moments. 

One of my greatest challenges is meeting people where they are at. My expectations are usually that they meet me, so I've had to bring a lot of awareness to this part of my life. Which has been crazy difficult but I have reached a place where I no longer expect my family to be interested in having conversations I am interested in having. This doesn't mean I don't still try (!!) but it means that I am no longer deeply hurt when they decide they don't want to. It also means that I don't feel the need to separate them as being "unevolved" and myself as being "evolved" in order to make myself feel better. I just accept that we are all exactly where we are supposed to be. 

Similarly, when catching up with someone I choose not to try to explain everything, because I think that usually originates from a place of trying to keep up or prove something. But I also don't choose not to talk to them just because we are no longer in similar places. I just curtail it or say something like "I have been working on developing my intuition." And intuitively I know when to share more. 

Blaire Porter1 Comment