How can we deal with the illness of a loved one while trying to maintain a higher vibration?

How can we deal with the illness of a loved one while trying to maintain a higher vibration?
     - N.M.

My love, thank you so much for submitting this question. I am so sorry that someone close to you is ill, I will be keeping them in my thoughts and sending a lot of love your way.

I have been fortunate enough that in my 27 years, I have never experienced a loved one being seriously sick. There have been a few circumstances where there has been a lot of worry, where it quickly took over my thoughts and I lived in this place of expecting the worst. It is really incredible how quickly that fear takes over.

I recently connected with a beautiful soul who has completely changed my perspective on how to talk + live when a loved one is sick. I asked her if she would be willing to share her experiences and she obliged, and I am so happy about it. So make sure you read on for her enlightening words.  

The most important thing is self-care for our physical, emotional, mental and spiritual bodies.
We begin with the basics: are you getting enough sleep? Are you nourishing yourself with food that will sustain you? Are you getting outside and connecting with the earth? Are you taking time for yourself + a spiritual practice? Are you allowing yourself to feel all your feelings?

When someone is ill, it requires more than just “everything will be ok.” There is a reality that needs to be met, accepted and loved. There are important experiences that must be witnessed and held. Hope is a powerful thing that is always needed, but we do not want to use it as a way of detaching and glossing over the pain of the situation either, which can happen.

As I mentioned, the wonderful Sophie shared a lot of her experiences with me on this. I know they will help you. Here is what she had to say:

Witnessing a loved one being ill is one of the toughest things I have gone through in my life so far, but also one of the most transforming and humbling experiences. Somehow it is where the extremes of our human experiences meet. Life meets death. Deep sorrow meets unconditional love. And giving room for myself to feel all the different emotions and move through them, has been a valuable lesson. Emotions are like the weather, they change all the time. And when a loved one is ill, we will have access to every spectrum of the emotional register times a thousand. It is like somebody turned up the volume on our feelings. But what do we do with all these feelings? How do we channel them into something nurturing for ourselves and for our loved ones? I can only speak for myself, but keeping a daily spiritual practice was a sanity savior and helped me get back to myself and to the now. Pulling me back from fear of the future and the possibilities.
I used praying, active praying like burning sage, singing, making a crystal grid or a medicine wheel. I would go for a walk in nature or put on some music and dance. The practice of Qoya was a big help, as it allows you to move your body through any emotions you might experience. Turning into your own truth.

By allowing myself to feel endlessly sad, I also opened up to the place in me that has access to unconditional love. The love and compassion that we feel in spite of hardship so that we can still enjoy life even if there is pain. Because behind illness there is a sensitivity and a strive toward balance that is so beautiful. And it can be a beautiful time to spend with your loved one. So if we can stay in this place of allowing what it feels like in our body to witness a loved one’s healing crisis and illness, then we have a golden opportunity to see the soul of this person unfolding. You become an invaluable support.

Keep a daily spiritual practice. Whatever nurtures you and makes you come back to the present moment and keep your monkey mind from telling stories about the future. Get to know know death, eternity, the other side. This is a hard one, but it has helped me immensely to stay present though it all. So it deserves a place on my list. If a loved one is seriously ill, communicating with the place where they might be heading in the not so distant future, can be somewhat comforting and allows us to let go of the clinging to one certain outcome.

Death is still a taboo for many of us. But most people are aware that they are dying days or weeks in advance, and having someone to talk about this with is very important. It is important for me to stress that sometimes professional help is needed. What I learned from my son’s illness was to deeply let go of any attachment to the outcome of his illness and realize that whatever happens, it is the wish of his soul and a result of his soul’s evolutionary journey. This life is only one in a chain of many, many lifetimes. His soul’s wish is to develop and know unconditional love, and how he will learn his lessons as a soul is not up for me to decide.

Thank you Sophie SO much for sharing your beautiful wisdom. One of her post’s that I am always telling people to read because it blew my mind so much is:

When Hector was diagnosed 8 months ago, I would always hesitate to tell people. Not because I was afraid to break down, but because it was so very painful to deal with the common response to child cancer. The “oh my god, that is so awful, that should never happen!” And so so on…but it happens, and its painful and beautiful and it’s a blessing and it’s reality and it’s love. I had to learn to love that Hector could possibly die before me. And if so, then it was his soul journey. I gave him life 6 years ago. I was his portal. I gave his soul a house, a body to live in . But what happens from thereis his sould journey and his human experience, not mine. My soul has its own journey and I can love him unconditionally, but in the end I h have not control over life and death. And that is unconditional love. The love and accept for pain as a valuable lesson that is created out of love. Love for your soul purpose and evolution. We cannot divide life into two baskets, one with desired experiences and one with undesired experiences.

I urge everyone to follow her on instagram at @solunawolf – she is amazing. I also thank you, dear one, for submitting this question in service to yourself and all others who needed to read it.

Love to you,

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Blaire PorterComment