Intuition vs. anxiety or judgment
In September of 2017, Nash and I were planning on leaving home for 10 days and we needed a dog sitter. The main requirement was that they were able to stay at the house most the day – like they could leave for 4-5 hours max. And while I know this sounds insane, our dogs are used to having people home all day with them as both Nash and I work from home. We could not have a dog sitter who was leaving for long periods of time after our animals were already stressed about us not being there.
It was a new place for us too, we had just moved from Seattle to Santa Cruz, CA and didn't know a single human. Obviously it was kinda hard to find someone who could do this, but we found one girl on the Rover app. So we headed to the park and were playing with the dogs and then I see this girl walk up, and immediately I knew I did not like her and “alcoholic” kept hitting me over the head. I had been working on being more open so I told myself “I am sure she is fine, maybe I am just picking up on stuff from her past.” Which happens, sometimes you pick things up in their energy field from years ago. So I told myself I was being judgmental and to give her a chance.
So we chose her. Everything seemed okay when she came to the house and did the tour. Then we left. At first, we noticed that she didn’t check in with us very much, which bothered us a bit. We like to know how things are and Nash needs pictures of Bodhi. Then things got weird. We have this puppy cam, which we told her to unplug when she was home and plug it in when she left and to let us know. (Bodhi had a major anaphylaxis episode and almost died so we like to be able to check in). On the second day we saw that our drapes had been pulled down and she didn’t fix them until we asked...2 days later. The rod had fallen so they were half hanging down and the dogs were laying on them. A couple couch cushions were missing. And I am not the cleanest person around, but this did strike me as odd and just unnecessary. But again, we let it go, and were already 2 states away so what could we do?
Fast forward 8 days, we come home. Immediately I walk in the house and my body is tense and I know things are not right. I look into the room on the left and I see poop and pee all over the place. Our dogs don’t go to the bathroom in the house. Maybe once a year? This looked like they had been going in there every day while we were gone and she didn’t even say anything OR clean it? Previous to leaving, we told her they don’t go to the bathroom in the house and if they did, she needed to tell us because it meant something was wrong.
Then I looked at my frenchie and it looked like he had gained 10 lbs. Like he was huge, bigger than he had ever been. I was immediately alarmed and had Nash call her. When he confronted her, she hung up on him and blocked both of our numbers. In the coming days, we found more things amiss. Packages had disappeared. His gold ring was gone. His prescription pain killers were also missing, he doesn’t take them and had just stockpiled them from all of his surgeries so it wasn't a huge deal but still...not okay.
And I sat there like…I fucking knew it. And kicking myself, while also grateful that nothing serious had happened.
So...getting to the difference between anxiety or judgment and intuition. Remembering back to the beginning of the story – do you remember how I got that feeling about her? It was immediate, and she was 300 feet away from me...and yet it came to me. Anxiety originates with a thought. Our intuition does not. With anxiety, first we have the negative thought, and then our feelings meet it – meaning, we get amped by the thought, then we have more thoughts and then it cycles. It's a similar cycle with judgment – typically a judgment is in response to something. “That purse is ugly” or someone says something weird and you think “what an idiot.” Judgment is never without provocation (warranted or not) in some way shape of form. Even if it is passive, like seeing someone’s outfit, there is still something about the outfit that caught your attention and you had an internal response to it.
I find intuition works opposite. We are open, yet we have the feeling. Then we try to remain open but the feeling is still there. There are other subtle cues, any resistance you may have to someone or something – that is a big sign. Honor it!
Another way to overcome trying to rationalize the feelings you are getting is to check in with your body.